These Feet Are Made for Looking

As my sister was scheduled to sign a contract this afternoon for her newfound job, she managed to convince me to watch the latest Batman movie at the Trinoma. I was supposed to drive back to my city abode due to pending work, but I reasoned, given the rave on this movie and Heath Ledger's supposed deserving posthumous Oscar performance, I decided to go ahead with the movie on a Thursday night and spend my weekend nights at home, catching up on work and snooze.

Little did I know that saying yes would also lead to an unplanned "catching up" with my shoe shopping. And who knew that whilst scanning the shelves for the right pair at the right price, I suddenly had this realization: choosing a pair of shoes is, say, a reflection of how you make certain choices in life. I am not talking about taste here; I am talking about looking for the right pair with your choices limited to what is available and what you have in your pocket.

My brief stint at looking at these pairs, for some reason, suddenly gave me an opportunity to learn more about myself. Well, maybe for some it can be easily pointed out that selecting a pair of shoes does show certain selection principles; but see, I think people have different attitudes when it comes to evolutionary perceptions in the context of consumption. And I am not just talking about the regular evils of consumerism here --- let's face it, life is to be consumed. We are consumers. There is value in what we consume. If we are to survive, we need to be armed with a pair of shoes that is the fittest. The same way we need to be armed and supported by the right people, the right friends, the right family. There are no perfect choices here. We learn to hone our choices as we go on shopping for the components of our life.

The thing is, we know what we want but we cannot control what we can find and how to get it. In this case, do we settle for the thing that is right for the current budget, the current fit, the current trend? Whatever happened to the thing that we truly want?



As I stepped into the second floor of the Trinoma, I saw the usual "sale" signs --- CMG, Aldo, Naturalizer, Floresheim... and then there was that familiar alarm of attack or flight. My basic philosophy when it comes to shoe shopping is that I will only invest in those that need investing in. For example, at the present my most expensive pair is my Merrell hiking shoes. I know that I would splurge for a pair of calf-length boots, but it is not practical I invest in it now given the location I am in --- unless I decide to live in continuous recycled air conditions. I would buy certain brands, but only on sale; I would get less expensive ones, though unfortunately, based on experience, the cheaper ones usually give me blisters.

Frankly, I have about 20 pairs of shoes, with only about 5 pairs I usually wear. Two of those pairs are sandals/outdoor flipflops, and three of them are heeled ones that I interchange when I go out. I have a few pairs that I haven't even used. I have a sister whom I can borrow certain shoes from. Frankly, this afternoon, I did not really need another pair as I bought the last one a few weeks ago which I only bought because it would match the bridesmaid dress I wore last weekend --- and this bridesmaid dress, well, I don't see wearing it again. Ever.

Though of course, I'll find something to wear them with. Just like the five other pairs I haven't seen since the day I bought them.

Yes, I can be an impulsive shopper. Sometimes. I know why : it's deprivation. I rarely shop. I work at home. I don't need to shop for clothes like other working women do. I do not face the everyday dilemma of which outfit to wear to work. But I like clothes, and I buy them when I see something that I like within a reasonable budget. Well, I had the budget, I liked those shoes. The problem is, I don't really have the chance to wear them. Not that I don't have a place to wear them to because I also go out. See, the thing is, I could have them, I wanted them, but they are not necessities.

Truth be told, there is this one pair that I really need and want.

It's crazy that the pair I've always wanted I only saw in a movie. If I am not obsessed with finding continuity problems, I look at the costumes. Diane Keaton was wearing them in Something's Gotta Give. It's funny because it's generic. It is easy to say I can find them anywhere. But the problem is, I haven't. It's just a pair of black sandals/medium height wedge flipflops, probably with a leather or patent leather band. Diane Keaton's character, Erica Barry, this cool, theater writer lady throwing around some self-taught French, living life ala Ina Garten, with a nice house waiting in the Hamptons, is wearing them in the grocery store scene with Jack Nicholson. The height is right, it's safe, it's fashionable, it's staple mod.

I SO want those shoes. They are perfect. I can wear them with pants, shorts, skirts, and dresses. They go well with this weather!

I told my friend Liz about it, and I think it was last year when she accompanied me around Glorietta to look for it. Funny, I found some variations. The closest one I found was at Cole Haan; eek --- almost four thousand! For a pair of black sandals! The next thing was Nine West. Same price range. Other variations can be found in upscale local shoemakers, but there's always something wrong --- the wedge is too high, the wedge is too low, there are studs, the band is too thin, etc.

The irony is, those sandals are so plain and simple but I cannot seem to find them. If I did they would be too expensive. The closest and the cheapest one I saw is at Charles and Keith. BUT --- Liz already bought the same pair.

The shopping trip this afternoon I realized that I had been looking for that pair for years. Okay, maybe for about two or three years. I always enter a store and look for it, it's automatic. And then I wouldn't find it. But something else would catch my attention, hence, explaining why I have those shoes I haven't worn.

It's like in this continuous search for that pair has led me to settle for something else. These something elses, well, I like them, but they are not truly what I want. They are mere accessories. And yes, let's say that maybe I would be happy with that Cole Haan pair which, frankly, is too much for me. I saw the same pair at Charles and Keith this afternoon --- the store was on sale but the shoe wasn't. It's not that expensive, it was about Php 1600, but still, too expensive for me for a pair of sandals.

I debated getting the one in Charles and Keith but I thought, if I could afford this, maybe I can wait a bit and buy the pair that I really want which, when I really think about it, I'll probably find in the imported designer shoe stores. Or maybe there will come a time I wouldn't mind buying my own Cole Haan.

And then it hit me: is this pair of sandals like the mythological "man of my dreams"? Which explains why I cannot find the sandals and I do not have the man of my dreams? Have I put on a pedestal this simple pair of shoes that I can't find it? Have I idealized this "man of my dreams" bit which, when I really think about it, should not be fussed about too much? Why do the things that I like I only find in the movies? How come such a simple concept so hard to become real?

I also thought, like this thing called dating, do we initially pick the so-so men before we really ready ourselves for the real thing? This idea occurred to me --- if only I'd save the money instead of buying those shoes, I could easily afford the Cole Haans. Only one pair, but the one I want. I have severals pairs, well, they are not the best, but my feet get to know them. If I didn't waste my energy in these "so-called-mistakes", am I guaranteed that I am really, really saving myself for the right one?

Like dating, this afternoon, I did not want to push myself and decided to have fun instead. I selected another pair. The shoes were there, alright, but I thought if I got the Charles and Keith it would be too easy. It looks the same, it's cheaper, and it's a great imitation. And somebody else who is close to my heart already has it. I do know what I want, but at this point, it is not within my reach yet. I am not going to settle for less. There are other shoes in the shoe store, and these blue flats I got, with the very pointy elf-like toes and embedded gem, is so pretty my feet are singing. It may not be what I was looking for, but it is quite a find.

Who knows? Maybe this is what my feet have been looking for.